999 jokes !!!!!!

• Valentine special: Dunyia wich reh k rangaa wich kho jao.. Kise nu apna bana lao ya kise da ho jao.. Je kuchh vi ni hunda taan....Chakko Rajaai te so jao.

• I Love You is 8 letters long. Then again, so is bullshit.

• Q: Which type of Women wear Revealing Clothes?
A: Those who don't have Confidence in the Imaginative powers of Men!

• Law Professor: Which is the most important LAW of Finance for Starting a New Business?
Student: Father-in-Law!

• Agar aap chahte hain k apke face pe dhool-mitii na lage to Roz subah lagaiye Asian Paints ka Apex Ultima jo dhool-mitti ko tikne na de!

• What’s the biggest pressure for Pak captain when Pak needs 1 run to win in 8 ovrs, with 5 wickets in hand?
Ya Allah! How to speak English in presentation ceremony?

• Alcohol contain female hormones. Proof: Men gain weight, talk unnecessarily, become extra emotional & stupid, start fighting without any reason.

• Advice of dentist. "Treat ur girl friend like a toothbrush. Don't let any body else use it, and get a new one every three months.

• Beggar: Saab 12Rs do na coffee peeni hai.
Man: Lekin coffee to 6Rs ki hai?
Beggar: Par saab girlfrend bhi to hai.
Man: Bhikari hokar bhi GF banali.
Beggar: Na saab,GF ne Bhikari bana diya!

• What building has the most stories?
The Library.

• A teenage boy to his father: Here's my report card and a list I've compiled of entrepreneurs who never finished their High School.

• Asmaan mai tum ho, samundar mai tum ho, zamin pe tum, hawa mai tum, jahan b dekho tum hi tum ho. DOMEX wali aunty thik kehti thi KITANU har jagah hote hain.

• Girl announced her engagement to her father.
Father: Does this fellow has any money?
Girl: Oh! Dad, U men r all alike, thats exactly what he asked me about u!

• Only 20 percent boys have brains, rest have girlfriends!

• If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry! Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!

• Education is incomplete without 5 B's
B - Bikes
B - Beers
B - Babes
B - Bunks and the most important
B - Backlogs!

• Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did.

• Why did Saddam Hussein attack Kuwait?
He had an Arabic baby-sitter, who always used to say 'Keep Quwait, Keep Quwait'.

• Tension happens in brain and love is felt in heart. Then why do people get heart attack when they are tensed and why people get mad when they are in love?

• Only once in your life u'll get a right person with whom u'll get married, so, till than keep enjoying with the wrong Ones!

• Gud Morning! Aap ye soch rahe honge ki Raat ko Gud Morning kaise?
Simple! Phone mera, Paise mere, Msg mera, toh marzi bhi meri! Jo marzi aayega wo bhejunga.

• Elephant falls in Luv with Ant, but Ant's parents were against their marriage. Guess why?
They gave a Solid Reason: Kehnde Munde de dand Bahar ne.

• Pappu: Dad, mein biwi nu sms kita ki main Raat nu aunga, ghar aaya te kisi hor de nal suti si.
Dad: Puttar galti mobile company di aa, jede time nal sms nahi bhejde!

• Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear, but what we are inside. So, try going out naked tomorrow and see the admiration!

• Janwaran di party chal rahi cee Chua 4 peg la ke set cee.
Billi: J ajj party na hundi ta mai tenu ajj kha jandi.
Chua: Ja tur ja saliye, loki kehan ge khadi piti wich janani kut diti.

• I pray to God that any person who tries to f**k ur happiness, may his ass begin to itch & his hand grow shorter that he can't reach his ass to scratch.

• Ek Tapori ki wife: Sunte ho ji, Apne chinku ne aaj pehla aadha shabd bola.
Tapori: Achcha, Kya bola ?
Wife: Behan...

• He was a good man. He never smoked, drank & had no affair. When he died, the insurance company refused the claim. They said, he who never lived, cannot die!

• Ek samay ki bat hai, Mata Lakshmi ji ka ULLU unse rooth gaya aur bola, 'Apki sab puja karte hain, mujhe koi nahin puchhta'
Lakshmi ji boli: Ab se har sal meri puja se 8-10 din pehle tumhari puja hogi. Us din Ullu puje jayenge.
Tabhi se Diwali k pehle us din ko KARWA CHAUTH keh kar manaya jata hai!

• 10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving. Which makes it a logical statement that 90% of accidentsarer due to driving without drinking! Piyo Sar Utha Ke!

• How 2 catch squirrels?
It's simple. Just climb a tree & sit, Squirrels will come in search of U... U know Y? Coz They Love NUTS!

• Keeping a place for me in ur heart is ok, but keeping a place for me in your mind mite be dangerous coz people say... I'm MIND BLOWING.

• My Marriage is Fixed Surprisd?
Dekho free di party da sun k kivein khush hunde ne.

• Banta: How do you say Topless in Urdu?
Santa: KHULE AAM...

• The successful marriage depends on one simple equation: Wife having Beauty Secrets and husband having Secret Beauties.

• There are only 5 things we need in life: Good friends, Good job, Good food, Good sleep & Good _ UCK. Whatever u are thinking... is right. Good Day.

• Tum sab dost meri zindagi ho, aur aur aur aur aur Lahnat hai aisi zindagi pe!

• True relatives always stand behind u during bad times. Check ur marriage album. All ur relatives were standing behind u!

• Commerce joke: Do u know y in a couple's photo man is on the right side & woman on the left?
Because as per balance sheet liabilities are on left side and assets on right!

• Girl anounced her engagement. Father: Does this fellow have any money?
Girl: Oh! Daddy, U men are all alike, that's exactly what he asked me about you!

• Some translations in Punjabi:
Yo baby! Wassup? Ve kaka, a uttey ki tangeya va?
Listen buddy, dat chick is mine! O bhaoo, o nikki kukree meri aa !
R u nuts? Tu akhrot an oye?
Rock the party. VATTEY mar jashan ch.
Lets hangout! Aja bahar lamkiye.

• Young Malkin & Pappu Naukar were kidnapped & raped by robbers.
Malik to Naukar: Shakal Dekhi thi un logon ki?
Pappu Naukar: Bibi ji se pucho mujhe to ulta litaya hua tha!

• Daru se Nasha badhta hai, Nashe se junun. Junun se mehnat, Mehnat se paisa, Paise se izzat. Isliye Izzatdar wohi hai jo Daru pita hai !

• Chandni raat thi, nadi ka kinara tha, asmaan me taro ka nazara tha, Bihari premi ne pyar se muskarate hue Biharan premika se kaha: Ae Susma, Bidi Piyegi ?

• A Solid reason for having two girlfriends at one time: Monopoly is always damaging & Competition improves service!

• If u don’t have a gf/bf, don’t have a nice job, don’t like partying & dancing, just have a boring life, then don’t worry just log on to www.rabba chukk lay.com

• A cute Nurse came 4 the interview.
Dr: What salary U Xpect?
Nurse: Rs.10,000.
Dr was overjoyed & said: My Pleasure.
Nurse: With pleasure it’s 25,000

• Which is the most confusing day in America?
Thinking?
Still thinking?
Fathers day!

• Om Namah Shinay! Jai Sri Ram! Wahe Guru! Jai Sri Krishna! Darr Mat, kisi ko forward nahin karna hai, khud hi jap le... PAAPI.

• In life, never look down on anybody, unless you are getting a lovely view of the cleavage!

• A Chinese couple Mr. & Mrs. Hua got twins without marriage. What did they name them?!!!?
JO-hua, SO-hua

• Laziness is our biggest enemy- Jawaharlal Nehru
We should learn to love our enemies- Mahathma Gandhi
Dasso hun bapu di maniye ya chache di?

• There are only 5 things we need in life: Good friends, Good job, Good food, Good sleep & GOOD _ UCK. Whatever u are thinking... Is right. Gud Day.

• When things go wrong, when sadness fills your heart, when tears flows from your eyes always say these words... Eh Ganpat, chal daru la…

• Dil ke operation ko BYEPASS kyo kehte hain?
Kyon ki agar operation theek ho gaya to... PASS varna Hamesha ke liye BYE!

• Breaking News: Latest sponsor of the Indian Cricket Team: Whisper Ultra.
BCCI felt it appropriate as the team is undergoing its worst PERIOD!

• Lalu: Rabri, tum to hamara CHAND ho.
Rabri: Na ji hamka CHAND VAND mat kahiye, ye sasure America wale roj Chand pe chadte utarte rahte hai.

• Gud looks catch the eyes, but gud personality catches the heart. You are blessed with both! Flattered? Don't Be! It was sent to me, and I just wanted you to read it.

• There was a man who never romped or played. He never smoked or drank, nor kissed a girl. And he passed away, insurance was denied. Since he had never lived, they claimed he never died. So live it up. CHEERS

• Once upon a time a guy asked a girl: Will you marry me?
She replied: No!
And the guy lived happily ever after.

• Daily Prayer: O GOD, give us strength & capacity to pay Income Tax, VAT, CST, Service Tax, Excise Duty, Octroi, TDS, ESI, FBT, Prop.Tax, Stamp Duty, CGT, Water Tax, Prof. Tax, Road Tax, Edu Cess, Congestion Levy & many more. Besides don't forget Gunda Hafta, Bribes, Donations, Chanda, Beggers etc... If we have some time & money left after that, we will do some Business. Cheers to Booming Indian Economy! Gud Day!

• Behind every successful woman, there is a satisfied men! But behind a satisfied woman, there is an exhausted man...!!

• All desirable things in life are either illegal, banned, expensive or married to someone else!

• There's a small gap between confidence and over-confidence. You can kiss your girlfriend is Confidence. Only you can kiss your girlfriend is Over-Confidence.

• What would confuse a mentally challenged person?
Answer: A pineapple.
Confused...? I knew you would be!

• How to catch a squirrel?
Climb up a tree and just be yourself. Squirrels will come to you on their own. Because they just love NUTS !

• A highly successful flirt was once asked: Which one is ur best gf?
He replied: The next one!
Always aim high n continuously improve ur performance.

• The most interesting thing about this sms is that by the time you realize that nothing is written in it.... it would be too late for you to stop reading it!

• Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian!

• If I was a painter, u would be my painting. If I was an author, you would be my story. If I was a poet, you would be my poem. But unfortunately I am a psychiatrist.

• Hi, keep messaging me and win exciting prizes:
3rd Prize: Lots of Luv.
2nd Prize:Longlasting friendship.
1st Priz: Free stay for Lifetime in my heart.

• No matter how high the sky is, how deep the ocean is, how strong the wind is, how wide the river is, I just wanna tell u... it's none of ur business.

• Ladies....it is okay to wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime have some fun with the wrong ones.

• Well, they do say opposite attracts... So I sincerely 'hope' you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cuultured.

• A teenage boy to his father: Here's my report card and a list I've compiled of entrepreneurs who never finished high school.

• In order to get 100/100 in life, a man requires 100% talent, whereas a woman requires only 4% talent & the remaining is only 36-24-36

• Miss U Miss U sab kahein, par actually miss kare na koi. Agar koi kisiko miss kare to fir SMS band kyun hoye!

• A Law Professor asks a Student: Which is the most imp LAW of Finance for Starting a New Business?
The Student replies: Father-in-Law

• A motorist hit a sparrow. He took d unconscious bird, put in cage with bread & water.
Bird wakes up, luks around & screams: Salakhen! My God! I've killed the motorist.

• M_rkh, St_pid, B_dh_, D_ffer, Bewak_f, Ghoch _, _ll_, Bhondu_, dekha... Everything is incomplete without ‘U’

• As u face a brand new day, bow ur head & say this prayer: Thank u Lord for having this amazingly gud luking sender. May his smartness increases everyday.

• A good friend comes 2 visit u in the hospital with flowers n goes.
A True friend sits near u n says: O yaar, nurse bahut sunder hai... aaram se theek hona!

• Q: Where do Indian batsmen perform their best?
A: In advertisements.

• Q: What is the Indian version of a hat-trick?
A: 3 runs in 3 balls.

• Q: What is the height of optimism?
A: Sehwag coming out to bat applying sunscreen on his face.

• What is the most proficient form of footwork displayed by Indian batsmen?
The walk back to the pavilion.

• Someone has kidnapped the Indian cricket team and demanded Rs 50 crore or else he would burn them with kerosene. Please donate. I have already donated 25 litres.

• Feeling bored? Wondering, what to do? Open the zip! Enter your hands in between your zip... take out your... book from your bag and study!

• Wat a RIP OFF! I saw a book in the store titled: 37 Mating Positions. I took it home, sat in my room,opend it. Damn it...It was a book on CHESS!

• Today if anyone praises U for ur beauty, nature, style, attitude... kick them... How dare they fool U before APRIL 1st.

• Aisa hai pyar humara, main kishti tu kinara, mai dhanush tu teer mai matar tu paneer, mai barish tu badal, mai rajmah tu chawal, mai hot tu cool, main April tu Fool...ha ha ha!!

• Think big, Think smart, Think positive, Think beautiful, Think great, I know this is too much for u, so here is a shortcut - Just think about ME!

• Do u remember the day we travelled in a car? I put my dog out of the window, u put ur face out, then people started shouting 'TWINS TWINS'

• Tip to reduce alcohol consumption: Before marriage drink only on the days when u r sad, after marriage drink only on days when u r Happy!

• Yamraj ne ek ladke ki jaan le li. Chitragupt- Is ko waqt se pehle kyon mara?
Yumraj: Kya karun, March end mein target jo pura karna tha.

• Kunwaro se log puchte hai ki tumhari ab tak shaadi kyon nahi huye?
Kunware bhi jor se kahte hai: Jaako rakhe sayeean mar sake na koi.

• Boy: Ki mein tera hath chum sakda han"
Girl: Kyon Haramjadeya mere bullan te koi kande lagge ne ?

• Telling a lie is a fault for a little boy, an art for a lover, an accomplishment for a bachelor and a Matter of Survival for a married man. Gud Luck!

• Dear reciever, I'm a Blonde Virus. I'm not so advanced, so pls delete all ur files urself and also help me to spread by sending to all. Thank U !

• Ladkewaale: Ladki ka naam kya hai?
Ladkiwaale: Hamari pyari, aapki pyaari sabki pyari, Rampyari. Ladke ka naam kya hai.
Ladkewale: Hamara Gu, aapka Gu, ham sabka gu JAGGU

• Log kehte hain ki khuda ne aapko badi fursat mein banaaya hai...
Theek hi kehte hain, faltoo kaam fursat mein hi to kiye jaate hain.

• Colour of ur underwear reflects ur mood:
Red: Wild
Black: Sexy
Blue: Romantic
Pink: Seductive
White: Calm
Yellow: Time to change it...

• Everyday same wishes! Are U bored of it? Let it be difft this time: Let the devils sing around U, Mummies dance around u, Vampires sit beside U. Have a horrible day!

• Ek c Raja...
Ek c Rani...
Dono mar gaye khatam kahani.
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Na thalle hun ki dead body labni hai?

• Meaning of ABCDEFG : A Boy Can Do Everything For Girls.
Reverse the letters GFEDCBA
Girls Forget Everything Done & Catch new Bakra Again

• Kabhi ye mat socho tumhare gf/bf ya wife/hubby ne tumhe kitna romantic msg bheja hai, sirf yeh socho ke Use kisne bheja hoga ?

• Height of Kanjoosi: A Bania's house has caught fire & he is giving miss calls to the Fire brigade!

• A Baniya walking on the road suddenly bent & touched d road n said furiously: 'Loki thuk vi aewein sutde ne jiven Rupeya peya hove!'

• A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that she looks extremely beautiful when her lips r closed !

• What did the Zero say to the Eight?
Nice Belt

• Saif: My dil goes hmmmmmm...! My dil goes hmmmmmmm....! My dil goes mmmmmmMMm......!! My dil goes mmmmmmm.....!
Javed Jafri: Is this da dils or da makhis...?

• Boy: Chalo kisi viraan jagah chalte hain!
Gal: Tum aisi-vaisi harkat to nahi karoge?
Boy: Bilkul nahi!
Gal: To phir rehne do...

• A lady to another lady: Jab tera divorce hua tha tab to ek hi baccha tha aur ab 3 kaise?
She says: Woh kabhi kabhi maafi mangne aa jate the...

• Tumhari Girl friend ka sms mila hai kahti hai koi patthar se na maare mere deewana ko twenty first century hai bomb se uda do saale ko.

• Tabiyat thik nahi thi. Tantrik ko dikhaya, Tantrik bola bhoot ka saya hai, kisi ghor paapi ko SMS karo theek ho jaoge... Ab accha mahsus kar raha hoon.

• Javed Jaffery proposing a girl: Hi, the babes, here is mys parpoz, with this d reds rose. Plz don’t u d rejects my parpoz b'coz I don’t parpoz d ROZ ROZ!

• If U Don’t Eat Junk food, Don’t Smoke, Don’t Drink, Don't Have boy Friend/Gal Friend, Don't Play Cards, No Late Nights; Then Visit Our site: www.PaidaKyunHuethe.com

• Another Moon?... Possible
Another Sun?... Possible
Another Sky?... Possible
Another person Like U?... Impossible
'Coz God can't make the same Mistake twice.

• I'm leaving India!
Actually Aishwarya is pregnant and media is suspecting me. Tum bhi nikal lo, uski kaam wali bhi pregnant hai.

• Munna bhai: Agar bina danto ka kutta kate to kya karna chahiye?
Circuit: Simple bhai... Bina sui ka injection lagane ka!

• It takes thousand workers 2 build a castle, Million soldiers 2 protect a country, but just One woman 2 make a Happy Home! Let's Thank... KAAMWALI

• Narad Muni dharti par madira peene aaye,12 botal pilane k baad theke wala: Apko chadhti kyun nahi ?
Narad: Main Bhagwaan Hoon.
Theke wala: Chad gayi saley ko.

• Mashooka: Lagta hai meri aankh mein kuch gir gaya, dekho to.
Mashook: Ek tinka dikh to raha hai, kyon na usey wahin rahne diya jaye main doobonga to sahara dega.

• Boy: I'm not rich like Rahul, I don't even have a big car like Rahul, but I really Luv U!
Girl: I luv u too, but tell me more about Rahul.

• Jija: Sali ji, aapke yahan ki sabse mash-hoor cheez kaunsi hai?
Sali: Jija ji, jo mash-hoor thi, usey to aap le gaye!

• Teacher: Agar apna character sudharna hai to sab auraton ko MAA kaha karo.
Student: Madam is se mera character to theek rahega, par mere baap ka bigad jayega.

• An old rich man marries a young gal. Interviewer asks the girl: Apne inmein shaadi ke liye kya dekha?
Girl: Ek to inki income aur doosre inke din kum.

• Reverse dynamics: When a man becomes rich he becomes naughty & when a woman becomes naughty.... she becomes rich.

• A lady is standing on top of the hill n she is going to push her father down. So what's the name of the lady?
Push......Paa.

• Food for thought: Why to suffer trying by all means to become rich and wear expensive branded clothes, when best things in life we do naked.

• Bengali patient: Doc sahab, potla-potla totti aata hai, khane ko man nahin karta hai.
Doc: Yeh lo dawai, mota-mota totti aayega, jaise marzi kaat ke khana

• Boy: Tum gaana bahut achcha aato ho.
Gal: Nahin, mein to sirf bathroom singer hoon.
Boy: To bulaao na kabhi, mehfil jamaate hain.

• Biscuit maker's Luv Letter: Dear Marie yesterday was a very Good Day, our meeting was truely Nice, but the chance of our Luv is 50-50 coz ur dad is a Tiger. Will u give ur Littlr Heart 2 me? Otherwise I'll become a Krack-Jack

• Angry boss: Tumne kabhi Ullu dekha hai?
Executive (sar jhukate hue): Nahin sir.
Boss: Niche kya dekh rahe ho ? Meri taraf dekho.

• Girls Psychology - Fraud with Innocent Boys; Fun with Handsome Boys; Friendship with Charming Boys; Contacts with Intelligent Boys; Flirt with Freaky Boys; Love with Faithful Boys & in the end Marriage with the Rich Boy

• When I send SMS to u, it doesn't mean that u have to do the same... U can also send fruits, drinks, pizza, chocolates by courier. DD & Cheques r also accepted.

• Q: Agar do pipal ke Pedon ko ek rassi se bandh diya jaye to us rassi ko kya kahenge?
A: Us rassi ko bolengey NOKIA - Connecting pipal.

• Thought of the day: Agar aap bus pe chade... ya phir bus aap pe chade... dono marthaba ticket aapka hi kat tha hai

• Rabba dukh na devin yaar mere nu, saanu chahe dukhan da pahaar de de,
Phire nawe HERO JET cycle utte yaar mera, saanu bhaven purani Mercedes car de de

• Ek yug tha jab log apne ghar ke dwar pe likhte the: ATITHI DEVO BHAVA
Phir likha: SHUBH LABH
Phir likhne lage: U R WELCOME
Aur ab likhte hain: KUTTON SE SAVDHAN

• Ravan was sent to court & was asked to keep a hand on Geeta.
He refused saying: Sita par hath rakh kar itni musibat aayi! Ab Geeta pe haath nahin rakhunga

• J kade tera kalle da paga 10 bandeyan naal pai jaave ta mainu sad layin, main kade kisi nu kut paindi nahin dekhi !

• Kuri waley Munde nu: Tusi nonveg khandey ho?
Munda: Haan
Sharaab?
Haan
Drugs?
Haan
Jua?
Haan
Sab kuch negative hai, kuch positive ve hai?
Munda: Haanji, HIV+

• Khuda kare tujhe khushiyan hazaar mile, mujhse bhi achche yaar mile, meri galfriend tujhe raakhi baandhe aur tujhe ek aur behan ka pyar mile

• Gabbar: Kitne admi they?
Sambha: Sardar 2
Gabbar: Mujhe ginti nahin aati, 2 kitne hote hain?
Samba: Sardar 2, 1 ke baad aata hai
Gabbar: Aur 2 ke pehle?
Samba: 2 k pehle 1 aata hai.
Gabbar: To beech mein kaun ata hai?
Samba: Beech mein koi nahi aata>
Gabbar:: To phir dono ek saath kyun nahin aate?
Samba: 1 k baad hi 2 aa sakta hai, kyun ki 2, 1 se bada hai.
Gabar: 2, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samba: 2, 1 se 1 bada hai.
Gabbar: Agar 2, 1 se 1 bada hai to 1, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samnba: Sardar maine aapka namak khaya hai, mujhe goli maar do

• Plz pass this SMS to all ur friends. A person urgently needs 3 bottles of....
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Foster beer (chilled) with chips. It's urgent Cell no & name is as displayed

• People who do lots of work…make lots of mistakes,
People who do less work…make less mistakes,
People who do no work…make no mistakes,
People who make no mistakes…get promoted.

• What is the height of Flirting?
It's When your love letter starts with: TO WHOMSOEVER IT MAY CONCERN

• Kya hoga agar Pepsodent waale condom banaye to...??
Hona kya hai? Raat bhar Dishum, dishum...!

• Gal: Is dress ka kya price hai?
Shopkeeper: Sirf 5 kiss.
Girl: Aur us dress ka?
Shopkeeper: 10 kiss.
Girl: Dono dress pack kar do, bill dadi dengi.

• Ganguly’s Son: Yeh Kya, Daddy Sixer pe Sixer maare jaa rahe hain Hain?
Ganguly’s Wife: Arey beta, yeh toh ADVERTISEMENT Hai !

• U luv sumone... u marry sumone else. The one u marry becomes ur wife or husband & the one u loved becomes the password of your emai id...!

• Kudi waale pandit nu: Saanu aheja munda chahida jehra kuj khanda penda na howe.
Pandit: Aheja munda taan PGI Emergency ward ch hi mil sakda hai.

• Ravan ki 20 aankhein thi magar nazar sirf ek aurat pe; jab ki aapki 2 aankhein aur nazar har aurat pe...!
Toh asli Ravan kaun??

• Ab tak meri life ek khuli botal thi, jis mein se sab perfume ki tarah ud jata tha. Par aap ke aane se sab kuch ruk gaya. Bhagwan kare aap jaisa DHAKKAN sabko miley

• Baniye ki wife bimaar thi, light na hone ki wajah se usne candle jala di aur bola: Doc ko lene jaa raha hun, agar tumhe lage ki tum nahin bachogi to plz candle bujha dena

• A boy goes to see a cabare dance. His mom gets angry & asks him: Did u see anything there that u were not supposed to see?
Boy: Yes, I saw dad.

• A friend is: Who lends you...
Pen in School...


• In French: Bon jour
In Spanish: Te Quiro
In Italian: Teamo
In Yugoslav: Volim Te
In English: Good Morning
In Punjabi: Uth Moya Kam te nahi jana?

• Q: Why do all Afghans carry a piece of sandpaper?
A: Because they need a map.

• An old to Doc: Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.
Doc: That's not senility. Senility is when you forget to zip down.

• Astrologer: U'll meet a young gal who wanna everything about u.
Frog: When n where?
Astrologer: Next semester in Biology lab

• Bahu: Maan ji, yeh abhi tak nahin aaye, kahin kisi dusri ladki ke saath...
Saas: Arey kalmuhi, tu hamesha ulta kyun sochti hai? Aisa bhi to ho sakta hai ki kisi truck ke neeche aa gaya ho

• Mom: Beti badi ho kar kya karogi?
Beti: Kuch nahin... Maan banungi, padhungi, shaadi karungi... aur kya?
Mom: Jo karna hai karo par zara serial order mein karna.

• Teacher to class: A for?
Class: Apple
Teacher: Jor Se Bolo
Class: Jai Mata Di

• Monday went on Tuesday 2 Wednesday and asked Thursday whether Friday has told Saturday that Sunday is a holiday. Have a Great Sunday...

• Baba ji ka mela laga hai haridwar mein. Prashad mein Recharge Coupon diye jayenge. Kisi aur ko mat batana. Ye SMS sirf chuninda bhikhariyon ko bheje ja raha hai

• Do u know similarity between Dinosaurs and Decent Girls?
Both don't exist.

• Dream makes everything possible, Hope makes everything work, Luv makes everything beautiful, Smile makes all the above... So always Brush ur Teeth

• It takes 15 trees to produce the amount of paper that we use to write one exam. Join us in promoting the noble cause of saving trees. SAY NO TO EXAMS

• Teri awaz sunne ko jab taras jata hoon, to ghisa pita cd player chala leta hoon. Teri surat ko jab taras jaata hoon, to cartoon network laga leta hoon. Waqt hona chaiye kisi ko yaad karne ke liye, bahane to apne aap hi mil jate hain

• Red Rose: Luv
Yelloe Rose: Friendship
White Rose: Peace
Which Rose for u?
Nima Rose. Tan ki Durgandh Dur Kare, De Taazgi

• Kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai, aaj nahin aaya, kaha na kabhi kabhi aata hai

• Thought for the future generation: Don't marry & make a woman happy. In fact remain a bachelor & make several women happy.

• Ek ladka ek ladki k saath baitha tha. 2nd day doosri ladki k saath deha gaya. 3rd day koi aur ladki thi. 4th day kisi nayi ladki ke saath tha
Moral: Ladkiyan badal jaati hain, ladke nahin badaltey

• U r thousands of miles away from me, still I'm watching ur every movement on 3 difft channels: Pogo, Cartoon network & Animal planet. Thnx to media

• Santa: Tommy ne meri saari kitaab kha layi
Mother: Ohnu mere kole leke aa mein usnu saja dewan
Santa: Saja ta mein de diti, usdi kauli wala dudh mein pee gaya

• Indian Airlines slogan: A warm experience & motherly treatment... warm b'coz AC doesn't work & motherly because Air hostesses are above 50

• Who is more satisfied, a man with a million dollars, or a man with six children?
The man with six children. The man with a million dollars wants more

• A doting father used to sing his little children to sleep until he overheard the four-year-old tell the three year old, "If you pretend you're asleep, he stops."

• A French in a hotel in NY, phoned room service for some pepper.
Attendant: Black pepper or white pepper?
French: Toilette pepper!

• Manmohan Singh: We are sending Indians to the moon next year!
Bush: Wow! Howc many?
Manamohan: 25 OBC, 25 SC, 20 ST, 5 Handicapped, 5 Sports Persons, 5 Terrorist Affected, 5 Kashmiri Migrants, 9 Politicians & if possible 1 Astronnaut

• Girl's excuses: Phone mat kiya karo dear, mom hoti hai near, papa se lagta hai fear, baat nahin hoti hai clear. Isliye SMS kiya karo dear without fear n very clear

• What's the definition of a skeleton?
A striptease that went just too far...

• Naukrani: Malkin aap udaas kyon hain?
Malkin: Tumhare sahab apne office ki kisi ladki se pyaar karte hai.
Naukrani: Nahin, sahab mujhe dhokha nahin de sakte

• Train mein TT Sadhu se bola: Kahan jana hai?
Sadhu: Jahan Ram ka janam hua tha.
TT: Ticket hai?
Sadhu: Nahin
TT: Chalo
Sadhu: Kahan?
TT: Jahan Krishan ka janam hua tha.. Jail mein

• Girl: If u'll try to kiss me, main shor macha doongi.
Boy: Lekin yahan to dur-dur tak koi nahin hai.
Girl: I know but formality to karni hi padegi…

• Gud Morning... Kindly observe SILENCE for two minutes in the memory of those poor mosquitoes who died last night after sucking ur blood. Thanks

• I'd climb the highest mountain. I'd swim the ocean blue, I'd do anything my dear- Just to get away from you

• A sexy woman is like a 1000 Rupee note. U don't know how many have handled it but u still want to have it.

• When things go wrong, when sadness fills ur heart, when tears flow in ur eyes, always remember 3 things: I’m with u, U have money & Bar is open

• In a class, teacher asked: If I buy an item@ 12.75 n sell@15.25, it's loss or profit?
Pappu: Profit in rupees & loss in paise

• Some dead people went to hell & were glad after seeing the board on gate. Why?
Because it reads: NO SEATS EXCEPT FOR SC/ST/OBC

• I have started luving 'U'... I know it sounds ridiculous but I can't control my feelings 4 'U'. Some time later I'll start luving more ALPHABETS.!

• Once in a jungle all the animals were eating PAN PARAG PAN MASALA
But girraffe was not eating. Why?
Because Oonche log oonchi pasand MANIKCHAND

• 1980 girls: Maan mei Jeans pehanungi
Maan : Nahin beti log kya kahengey?
2006 girls: Maan mein mini skirt pehanungi
Maan: Pehen le beti kuch to pehan le!

• At a Rly stn a gal cheked her weight-58 kg
She removed sandal-56 kg
Then removed jacket-53kg
Then dupatta-52 kg
Coins khatam.
A baba in q behind her said- Beebe tu kam chaalu rakh, bhaan batheri hai babay kol

• Similarity between Gandhiji & Mallika?
Dono ne kapde tyag diye, ek ne desh ke liye, doosre ne Deshwasion ke liye!

• Ap ki awaz KOYAL Jaisi, Aankhain HIRAN Jaisi, Chaal MOR jaisi, Aadtain BANDAR Jaisi. Acha hota agar koi ek cheez Insanon Wali Bhi Hoti

• A woman had triplets, she named them Mat, Pat & Tat. She fed Mat from left tit, Pat from her right tit...
Moral of the story: No Tit for Tat

• Nasha aankho me hota hai Sharaab mein nahin, Sharddha Dil me hoti hai Mandir mein nahin..... Dosti SMS karne se badhti hai, SMS padhne se nahi....

• Exams ke 4 din pehle syllabus dekha to yaad aaya,
Kuch To Hua Hai Kuch Ho Gaya Hai,
Exams ke din paper dekh kar yaad aaya,
Sab Kuch Alag Hai Sab Kuch Naya Hai

• Lamha Lamha Waqt Guzar Jayega,
Chand Lamhon Men Exam Sar Pe Ajayega,
Abhi Bhi Waqt Hai Do Line Padh Lo,
Warna Paas Kia Munna Bhai Karwae Ga!

• Teri Maa Di,
Tere Peo Di,
Teri Behan Di,
Tere Bhra Di,
Teri Bhabi Di,
Tere Pure Khandan Di,
Te Meri v Tu Jaan Hai

• Mohabbat 1 bar ho jaye us ko bholapan kehtay hain, 2 bar ho jaye us ko dewaanapan kehtay hain, 3 bar hoo jaye us ko pagalpan kehtay hain, agar phir bhi na rukhay to use kameenapan kehtay hai

• Khuda bachaye hamein in haseenon se, naazneenon se, dilnasheenon se, jaaasheenon se... par inhe kaun bachaye hum kameenon se...

• Jab apka SMS ata hai mera rom-rom machal jata hai, sara badan kaamp jata hai, dil main gudgudi si hoti hai. Stupid, yeh apka kasoor nahi, mera phone Vibrator per hota hai

• Judge: U r crossing the limits.
Lawyer: Kaun Saala aisa kehta hai?
Judge: How dare you call me saala?
Lawyer: My Lod, I said kaun 'Sa Law' kehta hai?

• Bhikhari: Saab 1 rupaya de do.
Saheb: Kal aana.
Bhikhari: Saala is kal kal ke chakkar mein is colony mein mere lakhon rupaye fase huye hain

• Bhagwan apki umar lambi karey! Bhagwan apko Naukri de! Bhagwan apko Khush rakhe! Bhagwan apko Barkat de! Yaad ho gaya? Chal phir Katora utha aur shooru ho ja

• Jodhpur jail ordered the purchase order of 999 shirts n 1000 pants for inmates. Guess y this odd combination?
Salman Khan is coming

• May our friendship turn into silver, silver into gold, gold into diamonds... and may our diamonds be forever... Then we'll sell it OK? Fifty-Fifty

• Devdas's matrimonial ad- Wanted wife. Age no bar! Height No bar! Luks no bar! Caste No Bar!
But gal's father shoul have his own Bar.

• Generation Next Motto: Na hum shaadi karenge, na apne bachchon ko karne denge.

• FOOL se, FOOL ne, FOOLon ki FOOLwari me FOOL ke sath wish kiya 'You are the most beautiFOOL, colorFOOL & wonderFOOL amongst all FOOLS

• What do u call a woman in heaven?
An Angel
A crowd of woman in heaven?
A host of Angels
And all woman in heaven?
PEACE ON EARTH!

• Population slogan in Bihar: Hum Do Hamare Do, Unke Baad Jitne Bhi Hon, Sabko Punjab aur Haryana bhej do

• What's the diff between Dava &d Daru?
Dava is like girlfriend, that comes with expiry date and Daru is like wife, Jitni purani hogi utna sir chad ke bolegi.

• I just bought a used car. It's a convertible. You turn the key, and it converts into a piece of crap. -Scott E. Roeben

• Three dreams of a man: To be as handsome as his mother thinks. To be as rich as his child believes. To have as many women as his wife suspects

• Sorry recharge khatam ho gaya. Galfriend ko I luv u bolna hai or recharge khatam. Ab kya kare? Mein batata hoon kya karein. Theke pe jao, quarter lo, 4 peg maro or g/f k ghar k bahar khade ho k jor se chilaao I Luv U. Kabootar mehenga pad jaayega. Rum ka Paua ab sirf 10 RS mein.

• Mallika went to a swimming pool in a BRA & PANTY.
Guard: Madam here 2 piece costume is not allowed!
Mallika: Kaun sa utaroon?

• Always start your day with a lot of S E X
S-mile
E-nergy
X-citement
so make s*x a daily habit, & u'll always be SMILING!

• Do you know the difference between a pun and a fart?
A pun is a sudden shift of wit!

• A Chinese couple Mr & Miss Hua got twins without marriage. What did they named them?
They named them as 'Jo-Jua', 'So-Hua'

• Wife ko Begum kyon kehte hain?
Kyonki shaadi ke baad saare gum to husband ke hisse mein aate hain or wife Be-Gum ho jaat hai.

• What did Tarzan think when he saw a dead Cheetah?
Wow! New Underwear.

• Beauty is not how you look, it is not how handsome u r, it is not ur figure too... Beauty is the inner self, so change ur underwear daily.

• Gal: Do u have any sentimental love cards?
Shopkeeper: How about this card, it says 'To the only boy I ever loved'
Gal: Great! I want 10 of them

• There is a sign in the toilet of the s*x Change Clinic. It reads: We may never piss this way again.

• Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho... Kuch nahi yaar bas aapki shakal yaad aa gayi!

• It's the sweetest thing to do. Do it the bed, on a sofa, in the bathroom or anywhere! U must never stop doing it. It's called Prayer! God bless ur naughty mind.

• Ki kariye lokan da, har gal nu lok jhamela kehnde ne,
Je sms na kariye ta kanjoos, te je kariye ta Vehla kehnde ne!

• Oh menu dekhi jaandi c, main ohnu vekhi jaanda c
Oh mneu dekhi jaandi c, main ohnu vekhi jaanda c
Na paper mainu aanda c, na paper ohnu aanda c

• What's the difference between wife n neighbours wife?
Wife is a chocolate, can have any time. Neighbour's wife is like an ice-cream, shud hv immediately.

• Mom: Tujhe ladka pasand aaya ho to baat agey chalayen. Girl: Ladka to theek hai but mota hai. Mom: TV chahe 14" ka ho ya 29" ka remote 6" ka hi hota hai.

• How do u know when kids start to grow up?
Gals grow up when they start to put lipstick n boys grow up when they start to wipe it off!

• A baby fish asked her mother: Y can't we live on earth?
Mother Fish: Earth is not the place for FISH, it's made for SELFISH.

• Fill in the blank with yes or NO only.
_______I M NOT A Male.
Koi jaldi nahin hai, aaram se soch kar bata dena.

• Paani mein Whiskey milao ta nasha chadta hai. Paani mein Rum milao to nasha chadta hai. Paani mein Brandy milao to nasha chadta hai. Saala paani mein hi kuch gadbad hai.

• Basanti: Bhaag Dhanno bhag, aaj teri Basanti ki izzat ka sawal hai.
Dhanno: Tujhe apni padi hai. Meri soch jiske peeche Gabbar ke 10 ghode pade hain

• Mon to Sun, From Jan To Dec, From birth till my death, my feelings 4 u have never changed. For me, you've always been a headache!

• In chemistry class teacher asked a gal: what r Nitrates
Gal answered shyly: night rates, they r costlier than day.

• Woman has man in it, Mrs has Mr in it, female has male in it, Madam has adam in it, so girls r always incomplete without boys.

• Namashkar, yeh hamari faltoo SMS seva hai, is mein hum logon ko waqt-bewaqt tang karte hain. Is seva ka labh uthane ke liye shukriya, ab aap apna kaam kariye.

• I have started luving 'U'... I know it sounds rediculous but I can't control my feelings 4 'U'. Some time later I'll start luving more ALPHABETS...!

• Ramchandra kah gaye siya se, aisa kalyug aayega, sifr ek dost SMS karega, dusara kamina bas padh ke muskurayega!

• Sharab Ek Bimari hai jo saare samaj ko khatam kar rahi hai. To aao milkar is bimari ko khatam karen. Ek bottle tum khatam karo ek bottle hum khatam karen.

• Can't believe after all the shit they have been through they're still together............Who?
Your bum cheeks!!

• Tum Haste Raho, Haste Raho, Haste Raho, Haste Raho, Muskarate Raho, Sada Khilkhilate Raho, Khush Raho, Mera Kya hain Log Tumhe hi Paagal kahenge! Ha ha ha!

• SMS ka sangrah karke kya paayega vats...? Balance ka moh tyag aur sms kar... Mitron se sampark banaye rakhne se hi moksha ki prapti hogi... Swami Messageanand.

• I think I should tell you what people are saying behind your back.……. Nice Ass!!!

• A history teacher & his wife were sitting at a table. The wife asked. 'Anything new at work?'
He replied, 'No, I'm teaching History.'

• Q: What's the diff between mother & wife?
A: One woman brings into the world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so.

• When I go wrong, I need ur hand 2 correct, wen emotions bust out, I need ur hand 2 catch, wen I win, I need ur hand 2 pat. In short:Ye Haath Mujhe De De Thakur

• Today is the International day of Smart & Attractive people. Send this to someone who fits the description! Don’t send it back; I've already received hundreds.

• So Sweet is ur SMILE,
So Sweet is ur STYLE,
So Sweet is ur VOICE,
So Sweet is ur EYE,
see .......how Sweetly I Lie.

• The Madrasi said: I want to see the movie 'Heart is umbrella'. Which movie did he really want to see?
Dil Chhata Hai.......

• Geeta Sar: SMS kar aur bhool ja, reply ki apeksha mat rakh, kiya hua SMS kabhi veyarth nahi jaata, Sabko apne kiye hue SMS ka reply milta hi hai!

• Just close ur eyes and think of urself for 10 seconds...... Open ur eyes ! Now you will realize that u have wasted 10 seconds in thinking of a fool.

• God made Pepsi, God made whisky, God made me so sexy, God made rivers, God made lakes and God made you... well everybody makes mistakes.

• I saw u on road today. U were lukin so fine, ur face so divine, ur walk so perfect. My heart started singing a sweet song: Who Let The Dog Out!

• When words fail... eyes work,
when eyes fail... heart works,
and when heart fails... to kya?,
samajh le TAPAK gaya 'MAAMU'

• The Japanese have produced a camera that has such a fast shutter speed it can take a picture of a woman with her mouth shut!

• Geet Ka Saar: SMS woh gyaan hai jo baantne se badta hai, isiliye he praani tu bill ka moh tyag de aur SMS kar, isi se tera manushaya janm safal hoga.

• Agar zindagi main kuch kar dikhana hai to kuch aisa karo ki jis shaher, jis gali, jis mod se gujro wahan ke har ghar se awaaz aaye, Papa aa gaye, Papa aa gaye!

• Tum sada haste raho, sada muskurate raho, khush raho, gun-gunate raho, hamesha mast raho. Mera kya hai, log tumhe hi PAGAL kahenge!

• May the fleas of thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.

• Teacher: Four beautiful girls are walking on the road. Change it to exclamatory sentence.
Student: WOW !

• I want you to be with me in a nice restaurant to have Candle Light Dinner & say those three sweet words to you....Pay The Bill.

• Q: Which boy has the permission to get into a girls' bathroom and touch her anywhere he likes?
A: Lifebuoy.

• When u feel lonely and alone & cannot see any one around you, the world seems to be fading away, come along with me I'll take u to an eye specialist!

• Your smile can be compared to a flower, ur voice can be compared to a cuckoo, ur innocence to a child, but in stupidity u have no comparison you r the best.

• If u want the latest MERCEDES BENZ on easy installments of 10 yrs without any down payment.......log onto our website: www.kutteapniaukatmeinrah.com.

• Mom: Andy, where r u off to now?
Son: I`m gonna join the army.
Mom: But, legally u r only an infant.
Son: That`s all right, I`m going to join the infantry.

• Unlike others your brain is a masterpiece. In the left half, nothing is right and in the right half, nothing is left.

• Sometimes when u cry, no 1 sees ur tears. Sometimes when u r worried, no 1 sees ur pain. Sometimes when u r happy, no 1 sees ur smile. But fart just once...

• Think big, think smart, think positive, think beautiful, think great, I know this is too much for you, so here is a shortcut... just think about ME!

• Today, tommorow and yesterday there'll be one heart that would always beat for you. You know Whose?
Your Own Stupid!

• When u smile the world smiles with u. Wen u r down people'll rally behind u but when u fart u r alone coz people'll never stand by u!

• This is not fair! How could u do this? Didn't expect this from you! Got a whole Channel on your name and didn't even tell me?
Animal Planet!

• If u want success in life; be Sweet like Honey, Regular like Clock, Fresh like Rose, Soft like Tissue, Strong like Rock, Sure like Death & smart like ME.

• Sometime my mind asks why I miss you? Why I care for you? Why I remember you? Then my heart answers it's simply because mental patient needs more care.

• Q: What's the difference between gud & bad gals? A: Gud gals loosen a few buttons when its hot, bad gals make it hot by loosening a few buttons!

• If I ever go for a brain transplant I’d like 2 use ur brain. It's not because u r a genius. I would only like a brain that has never been used.

• Can I go to the theatre? Asks a mosquito to her mother.
Yes, but be aware, pay attention during the applause.

• Q: Why do men fart more often than women?
A: Because women do not keep their mouth shut long enough to build up the pressure.

• Namaskar. This is All India Anti -Sleep Association Mid Night Service. Our Aim is 2 Disturb the Sleep of Others. Thank You.

• A Guy picks up a girl for the date. Why are u wearing ur belt around ur knee.?
Girl: I promised my mom that I wouldn't let you touch me below my belt.

• Tussi brilliant, beautiful, genius, smart, nice, gud looking, intelligent, respectful, kind, ideal sohne sunakhe Punjabi gabru da sms par rahe ho.

• When you get this SMS, send it to 1 person u love, 1 u hate, 1 u always think of and 1 u wish to kill. Now, keep guessing why I sent it to u.

• My goal is to be a failure! If I reach my goal, I'll be successful and if I don't reach my goal, I'll still be successful.

• Beauty is not how you look, it is not how handsome you are, it is not your figure too, beauty is the inner self, so change your underwear daily.

• Jab tum hanstey ho to lagta hai ki insaan pehle bandar tha!
Dekho gussa mat karo kyonki jab tum gussa karte ho to lagta hai ki insaan aaj bhi bandar hai.

• Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain and that's where you get your shitty ideas from!

• Consequences of American life style: The wife rushed into house screaming 2 her husband, Darling, Come quick! Ur kids n my kids r beating our kids.

• Yamraj ne ek ladke ki jaan le li. Chitragupt- Iss ko waqt se pehle kyon mara?
Yumraj: Kya karun, March end mein target jo pura karna tha.

• Sharabi eyes donate karne gaya, Counter Clerk asks: Kuch kehna chahte ho?
Sharabi: Jise lagao usse bata dena ye do peg ke baad khulti hain.

• A young man asks a kind priest: Father is it a sin to sleep with a girl?
Father: No my child but the problem is that u guys never sleep.

• Yaad mein tumhari mujhe loose motions lag gaye hain. Hain to ye aanso per lagta hai raata bhatak gaye hain.

• Can't believe that after all the shit that's happened between them, they are still together.
Who?
Ur bums.

• Osama to Big B: How are you??
Big B: Bas Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham. And you?
Osama: Bas Kabhi Gola Kabhi Bum.

• Look at the ocean & see God's abundance! Look at the sky & see God's glory! Look at the moon & see God's wonder! Look at the mirror & see God's Blunder!

• Q: What do you call a fat lady waiting for a bus?
A: A Moti-vaiting.

• Sharab Ek Bimari hai jo pure samaj ko khatam kar deti hai. To aao milkar is bimari ko khatam karen. Ek bottle tum khatam karo ek bottle hum khatam karen.

• Y does Waheeda Rehman never changes her saree in the film GUIDE?
Coz Dev Anand says: O mere humrahi, meri baanh thame chalna, badle duniya SARI, tum na badalna.

• Gujju lover: Darling mere kaan me kuch halka sa, kuch narm sa, Kuch namkin sa, Kuch mitha sa kaho!
Premika: Dhokla.

• Luk at the world as 1 big chocolate cake. It would never b complete without few sweets n nuts. Sweet like ME & nut like U.

• Be careful when a guy tells u that he loves u from the bottom of his heart for this may mean that there is still enough space for another girl on top.

• Like energy, love can neither be created nor destroyed. It can just be transferred from one girlfriend to another girlfriend.

• Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, small people talk about others & legends never talk, they send SMS.

• The first half of our lives is spent ignoring our parents' advice and the second half in trying to keep our children from ignoring ours.

• When u r down & no one is there, don't think of me. When u r crying & no one is there then too don't just think of me, call me up, my incoming is free.

• Look at the world around u; u’ll see God's creativity. Look at the breakfast table; u’ll c God's providence. Look at the mirror u’ll c God's sense of humor.

• A student writes a letter via telegram to his dad. It goes... No fun, send mon, your son!
Dad write back saying...so sad, too bad, your dad!

• You should do two things in the morning...Pray to God so you can live and have a shower so others can live.

• Q: If a devil catches your wife, what would you do?
A: You can do nothing. if devil has committed a mistake let him face the consequences.

• God thought that since he couldn't b everywhere he made a mother. Then devil thought that he couldn't be everywhere he made a mother-in-law.

• I want you 2 know that our friendship means a lot 2 me. U cry Ii cry. U lauf I lauf. U jump out of the window... I look down &then... I lauf again

• The rain makes all things beautiful. The grass & flowers too. If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn't it rain on you?

• I've written a poem for you:
Twinkle twinkle little star,
you should know what you are,
and once you know what you are,
Mental hospital is not so far.

• What's the difference between pleasure and torture? Pleasure is thinking of you & torture is thinking of you too much.

• Banta: How does an attorney sleep?
Santa: First he lies on one side, and then he lies on the other.

• Every organisation is like a tree full of monkeys. Ones at the top can only see monkeys below them and ones at the bottom see only assholes above them.

• I hate it when people point to their wrists to ask for the time! I mean, seriously, do I point to my crotch when I need to go to a Restroom?

• A reasent studdi haz shon dat peepal hoo aar vary samaart end gud lukeeng maik manee spallings meestaikes... vaat ees yorr opeeniun?

• Hi! Need one girl to marry... Age no bar, color no bar, height no bar, caste no bar, but girl's father must have his own bar...CHEERS